Ernie and Jerry have missed a week of poker when we were in Tunica and then they were out of town. This week they were back and they brought a friend. The friend who I like to call ATM, never bluffed (cost me $60 - $120 to find this out because I'm a slow learner), and always overcalled. I think he lost over $1000.

Chad and Sam came and played. Sam isn't a great player and he is in the Army so he doesn't make a bunch of money. He lost $50 and I staked him another $50 and gave him some short stack advice. He left about two hours later and paid me back my stake plus about $60.

I didn't do so great at the beginning. Because the table was full. I won about $50 and then floated about even. I think I was playing more conservative and missing some opportunities.

A hand with Ernie: I raise to $14 with AKo and get 3 callers at a 5 handed table. The flop is JTX two hearts. I bet out $50 and the action goes fold, fold, call (by Ernie). The turn is a blank and I bet $100. He raises $200 more and I get scared. I think he's bluffing. I am totally wrong about my read but I figure that I at least have some outs if I'm behind. I think that at best he has a Jack. I hope he has a flush draw. I know that he's bluffed me off of a couple hands already tonight and he thinks I'm full of shit with my bet, which I often am. I call and he flips up JTo. I feel like I just got hit in the nuts.

The river is a Q and he looks like he just got hit in the nuts.

Ernie brought his son Logan who knows more about poker than just about anyone else at the table besides me. The table takes a while to adjust to and he lost money for a while.

A hand with Logan: I have Pocket aces on the button. The table has been loose and I'm happy. As soon as I peek at them I get up and start to pour myself a glass of wine. I purposely wait until they ask me if I want to call the raise before I respond. I walk over and start talking too much and drinking a lot to make them think I'm retarded. The raise from Logan was $7 and I reraised to $21. He called and a couple others folded. The flop comes out AQT rainbow. I pretend to ignore it and I don't even notice the straight possibility. He bets $$30, I call. The turn is a T and I know I'm good. He bets $30 again and I know that it's a value bet from him. I raise $50 more and he pushes. I instacall of course and realize that he flopped the nuts and I actually sucked out on the Turn.

A hand with Jerry: I busted two of the bell boys and I tell them that I want a trifecta. Jerry is the most tricky and I am just waiting for a hand to play against him. Finally, he calls my $20 raise with AKc and all others fold. The flop comes two clubs and I check. He bets $30 and I call. Turn is a blank and I check, he bets $50 and I call. River is a club and I check it (with the nuts) I hope he has a hand and isn't bluffing. He bets $50 again and I shove. He thinks for a long time and folds. Actually started laughing when I shoved. I tried to cover my mouth with my arm but they were talking and I was drinking and I couldn't help it. Sadly, he thought I may have a straight. I would have gotten paid on the nuts because he had two pair.

I won a lot of money from the fish and lost a lot playing super loose. I finally ended up at +$1080. I think most of it came from the fish. I'm sure that he'll never be back.

We played until noon and their wives all calles to tell them they were retarded. Mine came home at 12 and told 2 guys she didn't know that they were retards. She then told the other 3 that she knew that she loved us but that we were the most retarded people she'd ever met in her life.

Did I say I won $1080? She'll be fine. :)

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Bernie Wayne - You stick with me kid. In a few years you'll be wearing diamonds big as horse turds and farting through silk.

The guy you called "ATM" had about as much personality as a broken AM radio.....but he did keep pulling out the $$$$!!! I left at 5am up $230, went home and slept for 6 hours. Woke up, called Eruu (who was still very drunk or just acting drunk for the table's sake) and had to hang up the phone before he convinced me to come back and keep playing :)

Dear Lord,

Please, please let the "ATM" come back!!!!!!

Nice!

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"I'm disappointed in you, Scotty" -- Michael DeMichele at the 2008 WSOP HORSE Final Table
Check out My Blog, updated 9/03/08

Now that I'm awake and sort of sober. The hand with Ernie was a really some lucky shit. I had some bad luck but this was a huge pot and I should have been able to get away from it. I just was pissed that I had been bluffed and I knew that I had at least some outs. I'd have made about $300 if I didn't get lucky on this one.

I don't think ATM will be back. Ernie thinks he lost over $1000. In fact, once I figured out he wasn't ever bluffing, I think I played almost perfect poker against him and probably half my winnings came from there. I actually started feeling bad after he made untra cheap bets on the flop and turn and then called $60 on the river when I hit my obvious draw.

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Bernie Wayne - You stick with me kid. In a few years you'll be wearing diamonds big as horse turds and farting through silk.

I was utg with Eruu in the BB and Preacher after me. I often get into bad situtations with the preacher. He likes to slow role his cards after you are raking the pot, so I know at least once I have threatened bodily harm against him. Anyways I had AKs and called the big blind. Preacher raised to 3 bucks, and everyone called.
Flop comes 456 rainbow, I check and preacher raises 30. Everyone folds back around to me, I start sliding out the 30 before the last fold gets to me. Next card is a 7, I check smiling, Preacher bets 35, I call quickly again. River is a 9, I look at him, smile, and check. He thinks for about a minute and then bets 50. I set there for about thirty seconds and look at his stack, then I ask him to count it, he has about 210 left. I fiddle with my chips while trying not to throw up with the shit situation I am in, but in my mind I knew that I had tried to get into the position to bluff him, so I looked at him and said "I will put you all in" He folds... Never showed his cards, and I never showed mine. I put him on pocket QQ's or KK's, but not sure. I left the home game at 1:30 am up $315 bucks.

Nice, I'd forgotten that.

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Bernie Wayne - You stick with me kid. In a few years you'll be wearing diamonds big as horse turds and farting through silk.

Sweet! I was happy that I won $90 at my home game Friday LOL.

One more thing I remembered about the night that put me in the state of tilt that caused me to make the bad/lucky call against Ernie. One hand I have QQ and raise to $14 preflop. Flop comes AXX and Ernie bets $20, Jerry raises to $50 and I instamuck my queens. They both check the turn and Ernie bets about $60 on the river. Jerry calls and they show 99 vs TT. MOTHER @#$%^&*&^%$#$%!!

Again I get QQ and I raise this one to $21 preflop. 3 callers, WTF. FLop comes ace high and I muck it to a bet.

Third time I get QQ and Raise to $21. Only one caller. I overbet the jack high flop and take it down.

Fourth time I get QQ, I raise to $21 and they all fold. I should have gotten paid on more of those.

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Bernie Wayne - You stick with me kid. In a few years you'll be wearing diamonds big as horse turds and farting through silk.