Ugignadl

OK, I promised and so it shall be. I have forgotten my forum password for some reason and the system is blocking my login attempts so this is going to be even more random than originally intended.

I have left for Germany. For those who aren’t me, I’m going to Germany to absorb and meet as much of the information and as many of the people I can who are world leaders in my field of research. It is a privilege but also scary as hell. I may be asked to give a seminar series, I have already been asked to give just one seminar on my recent work; but since it is quite long, Klaus may see fit to decree a seminar series instead of just one seminar. So this weighs on my mind. But, onto the meaningless detail! With photos!

I am in Incheon, Korea, at an underground internet cafe, beneath the building which has my 5 bedroom hotel room. It is a 17-gazillion story megaplex with all manner of odd things in it. So how did I end up here? Let me spin you the tale…. it all started with this morning, well, last night, when I decided to finally do some reading about Korea. I read that the book I was reading was printed in 2002, and the airport I was flying into didn’t exist back then. OK, no worries, I’ll just wing it when I’m there. It will be like the amazing race, but with accomodation and not getting screwed as the challenges and no prize for winning. Sounds exciting.

So with that in mind I went to sleep and then arose, along with Kate who was awesome enough to get up with me (helloooo 5 am) and drive me to the airport in Sydney. This all went off without a hitch, modulo some tears, non-closed boots of cars, and of course me hearing my name in every announcement. I went through, exchanged some AUD for some Won, and that was my first suprise: I didn’t get a good deal! Hmmm. Korea isn’t like Japan is it?? Naaaahhhh…. can’t be. OK anyway I exchanged $70 and was on my way. I chose this arbitrary number because in my guidebook it said the cheapest livable hostel was about 30k W, which came to about $40 AUD, and I needed two or three meals on my stopover… so it seemed like a nice round figure.

Flight was eh, eleven hours of bonertude. What are you going to write about that? I mean, we had no entertainment, I was stuck with no room to move, the food made me feel like vomiting… oh but at least it was free. The coffee was ironically the best thing there (plunger). Anyway, I struck up some kind of repore with the irish guy next to me, but that quickly faded once I realised that he was staying in some fancy hotel paid for by his work. Hmmm. Where will I sleep tonight? This needed to be sorted out.

Oh by the way expect a collage of photos to evidence my little adventure… just not right now, when I have to write and then eat. Mmmm food. OK, focus! Collage later, now, story.

So I fill out the immigration form (we’ve landed by the way, and it’s hazy like Ho Chi Minh city hazy, anyone who has been there knows what I mean) and head on over to customs. Hey, nice and quick (apart from this mammoth woman who, I mean, I have no clue how she even came over in the plane, but anyway… she didn’t fit in the little aisle you had to squeeze down to get to the counter, which caused some sad delay…) and the dude I spoke to was nice, didn’t ask any questions about where I was going to stay tonight, huzzah (they can refuse your application if you don’t have anywhere to stay on your first night). OK sweet. So, we are in an airport, if I was Korean and in Sydney, what would be the best thing to do?? Answer: go to the centre of the city. So! Step 1: work out what the centre of Seoul was. So I go to a bookshop, oh man I so have this under control. Nope, books all in korean. Whoops. OK walk around for a bit. Find another map! Yes, alternate engrish transmations, oh hallelujah. OK so I see that there are three centres to Seoul. Hmmm. And no way to get there except by a combination of bus and taxi. And nowhere to buy the ticket…. since all the ticket booths are closed. HMMMM problem. OK don’t panic, go find an information counter. So the first information counter sucked major ass and didn’t even speak english. No worries, go to the other one… yes sweet, they tell me about the dedicated hotel counter! Huzzah, hotel counter!! Ok speed off to the hotel counter…. get a bad feeling… see hotel names, look fancy…. hmmm. Nicht sehr gut, ja? Ja. JA. I speak to the woman, she seems nice and has good engrish. I ask her if she can get me a room for the night. She says, yes. I add that it should not be too expensive. Anyway, she gets on the phone, talks for a bit, puts it down and then asks me: 100? I’m like… are you talking to me? 100 what? She’s like, USD. Errr no lovey no not 100 USD. I said: TOO EXPENSIVE very slowly because I felt like she didn’t hear me before. She nods and says ok… 65 USD? I’m like, eh, that’s still way more than I know you can get a friggin room for!! Goddamnit! Don’t screw me! But what I said was no, too much. She laughs and says, well, that is the cheapest you will get a hotel room for! I’m like, whatever, I’ll prove you wrong… biatch. Then I saw this American couple from the plane who were like, fuck it, let’s get the 65USD room. I’m like, no way bitches, I’m not buying into this broken scheme!

OK so abandon the help plan. Let’s go back to the get-to-the-city plan. OK find signs for train station. Start walking. Follow escalators. HOLY SHIT there are five hundred fucking televisions all piled in a heap playing psycho crazy musi\ak with matrix-esque lightshows flying around them (yes around them). I’m like, have I finally lost it? What did that food DO to me??? Then I took a photo (yes yes see the collage) and decided that Koreans are odd, very odd, and continued on to the train station.

OK so pretty soon I notice there is nobody around anymore. You know how you push through throngs to get somewhere, are focused on getting there, and then before you know it you’re all alone on a travelator trying to read Korean in a huge white tiled hall? Yes? OK fine just go with me. I am unphased and continue to walk toward the train station. OK … find the train station. Errr need a ticket. SHIT ticket! OK fine….fine…. go back, there was another information desk. I approach the information desk. They tell me that they can’t sell tickets. Crap. But there is a bus to the city. OK cool. But it takes 1.5 hours. Oh shit! I’ll never get a room that late. Not a cheap one. 65USD isn’t looking so bad….

OK so I wander off thinking I’m pretty mega fucked right now and am almost prepared to give that stupid woman 65USD. Then I see this security guard and I’m like, he will help (yes I think I was a little delirious). I go up to him, he looks confused before I even say anything, I’m like, dude, can you tell me how I can get a hostel? He’s like, I’m Korean and I don’t speak english. Or engrish. Errr OK well …. I stand there and look at him for a while. Then I notice there is a sign behind him, with a map! But not in english…. but there is a symbol that has a house on it, so I just ask him to tell me how to get there. He’s like, that way… so I just walk that way. Yes yes this is going somewhere. I walk around, and then I’m like, on the freeway. Wow, that guy didn’t tell me the right way to go, or I misread that map in a language I don’t know any phonemes for. Nah that couldn’t be it…..

OK. So I stand around and look. I see a few doors. One door just has Korean on it and an unmanned desk. Errr OK. But, I do see a URL: www.travelhappymalltours.com. Oooh tours, tours! Tours mean accommodation! OK so I go in there and yes the desk is indeed unmanned. I start wandering around and there is one guy there: a young guy who I later learned to call Mr Hon Choo. I explained to him my problem, and he nodded and said something like “okokokprobok” (best approximation). Then he walked off. I have to explain that Mr Hon Choo is a little manic. Like someone who has caffeine for plasma and speed for h2o. Anyway, he seemed harmless… and he gestured for me to follow him. So I do. He says something like: “you need htl?” I’m like “YES” he’s like “errr ten min?” I’m like sounds fine. So I sit there at someone elses desk (we are in the back) and he types away. I hear about ten different ringtones all at the same time and immediately he is on ten mobile phones talking about random shit (I presume). Anyway, I really can’t recount this except to provide an indication of my own confusion. When the dust had settled, he asked me, “one per?” I say yes. He says “the pri is 4″ and holds up four fingers. I’m like, forty? Four thousand? Forty thousand? And he says sorry, his english is bad. I’m like, my Korean I can guarantee you is worse. But I don’t think he understood my response, which was kinda nice really :). Anyway he wrote down 40,000 W. Now having the knowledge that I was completely fucked about getting into town, and knew that according to my 2002 guidebook 30,000 W was a good price, I basically said yes. Well of course I said something like “so much?” and he just kinda looked at me, I don’t think he understood me really. So I agreed, 40,000. But what was I getting? I asked but I don’t think he understood me. I tried to ask him where it was, and he said “yes” which wasn’t very helpful.

Anyway so Mr Hon Choo is flibbiting about like a crazy man and then starts turning off all the lights and runs out the door. I’m like wtf, am I part of some sick joke. Then he runs back in and makes some hand motion which I calculate must approximate “follow me”. I leave the office and he locks up. I’m like, errr weird. He conveys to me in some unfathomable manner that the hostel is near where he lives. Hmmm. Not sounding good. But I figure, bugger it. I follow him around the airport and we end up at a bus terminal. Now it really is hard to give a good description of exactly how manic Mr Hon Choo was. For example. He starts walking to the bus terminal. I’m following him. Then, he leaps into the air and spins compeletely around, and points to a desk. Manically. Then we go over to the desk. I figure we are asking about when the next bus will be. Then, he leaps into the air, spins and runs out the glass doors. Then, he runs back in. And stands still. I say something, he says “mmmhmmm yes okokokprobok” which is pretty much all he seemed to be able to say. He stands for about three seconds and then leap-spins out the glass doors again and shouts something as he does it. I follow him and see two buses. He vanishes on the first bus. I run onto it too and it immediately exits. No ticket? He says “see, is see” oh it’s free? I ask him again. He says his standard line and I’m like, whatever. The bus fills immediately with 800 million Koreans in suits. No seats, just standing room. I’m the ONLY westerner there. Hmmmm. Not feeling too good. Mr Hon Choo’s armada of mobile phones starts ringing at about this time and he starts fifty conversations while almost flying into the glass walls of the bus due to the extreme driving being practised. I’ve got next to no idea what is going on. Soon enough the bus stops and we get off. He asks me a few things but I can’t understand him; still I answer as best I can. He leads me into a massive building. I’m like, seriously, am I going to be raped/killed/drugged/what the hell is going on. We get into an elevator. He points to the number seven and says, you are 707. OK. We get to the seventh floor and then we walk down the corridor (walk is used quite liberally here, Mr Hon Choo does not walk, he more leaps about and then runs back to the elevator to check *something* and then runs back down the corridor). We stop at a hotel room door in this quite fancy building. He says, your room. I’m like, but I haven’t paid anything yet?? Anyway, he rings the doorbell. Nothing happens. Errr is this someone elses room?!?! Well soon enough the proprietor shows up (actually just some other dude with the room key who spoke only Korean who I later learned was the proprietor). He lets me in. He shows me how the room works… it’s 5 beds, a cot and two bunk beds, pay tv, air conditioning, huge bathroom, crazy weird lock on the door… massive view. Photos of all these things coming. Now he gets me to fill out this little form, and then he asks me to pay. I’m like, here comes the pain. Now he tells me it is 100,000 Won. But… no, he says 40,000. OK. Done. I pay the Won. He tells me how to check out. He has an extended conversation with Hon Choo (possibly about his commission…) and then he tells me some other admin things and leaves. I say my thanks to Mr Hon Choo and he says something incomprehensible about ids or something, and then he’s off too. He tells me he lives in 853, upstairs. OK so that explains some things. Anyway, he’s off.

I sit on the bed. One of the beds. Take it all in. Am grateful that I only have hand luggage on me. Propose not to leave anything unattended in the room. Anyway, I get a drink of water (oh yes there is a fridge) and then the doorbell rings. I argue with the door lock for a time and then finally it is Mr Hon Choo again. We exchange some words, and I ask his name. He gives me his card. He is a travel agent in training. Well, there you go. He asks me to call him if I need any other accomodation. Sure, I guess. He was nice, in a crazy odd kind of way. He also gives me the business card of the place I am staying in: Airport Guest House, www.icnhostel.com. OK.

So how am I on the internet…well it is Korea. Gaming mad. I just exited the room, with all my belongings of course, and there is a sign in Korean with an orc face. OK, sure, sounds like internet. I go in and there is a cigarette smoke filled den of weird gaming effects and people partying. OK internet! I sit down and start using the computer. A guy comes over and gives me a card and I get out of him that it is 500Won per hour. Eh that is pretty friggin sweet! So, use use use.

And here I am.

Will I get robbed? Will I be raped in the middle of the night? Who knows??!?! Who cares! Right now, I’m happy to assume that Mr Hon Choo is naturally wacked out of his mind, and thought that his landlord would give him some cash if he had a free room with noone in it, since it was rather late it is somewhat like money for nothing.

OK I’m going to go get some food. When I get my login details back, or find some wireless internet (should be easy) I’ll update the forum… including the all-important leaderboard. Ugi out!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 1st, 2008 at 4:45 am and is filed under Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.