Ugignadl

Ah so yes indeed I was able to get inside last night. Now one of the things I like to do is cook… don’t laugh it’s true. So the question is, what do you do, when you like to cook and are faced with a miniscule completely unknown kitched, and food, where you have no idea what it actually is?

Well it’s not so tough. In case anyone else wants to rough it (ha ha) like me…

Generic Minced Meat Meal I
(what an awesome name eh)

OK so it is 11 pm and you need to cook some food. Whip out the saucepan, eh it’s way too small but who cares, and stick it on the stove. Full ball, don’t be a wimp. Slurp on some olive oil and get it warmed up. If it gets too hot and starts to spit you’re too slow, be a real man and speed up. You want some garlic, so pull that out and peel it. You need an onion too so grab one of those babies, peel that guy and set him aside. OK so the stove is ridiculously fast, take off the oil before you make a huge mess… yes, you can use this, get some pepper and salt and some other spice, yeah chilli powder is good. Put the saucepan somewhere, mix in the spice with the oil and it makes awesome oil. OK dice the garlic and onion into tiny bits (this should take a few seconds, otherwise the oil will get too cold) and oh shit the meat. OK get the minced meat (this is lean beef for me) from the fridge, shit it’s frozen, ok get your sharpest knife and slice it into tiny pieces. Sweet put the oil back on the furnace and chuck in the sliced beef. Sweet pay some nice attention to it and make sure it doesn’t all stick together, it’s got to seperate, this is not impossible if you smash it up with some implement (I used a spoon) into little pieces as it cooks. OK so it’s getting a little dry, sweet this is the plan, put maybe a cup or just some amount of water in there. Huzzah it is cooler and it will get sweet sweet sweet and moist. OK spice it again. Ah yes indeed the garlic and onion, chuck that in. Now you gotta keep stabbing the meat, you can’t let it all congeal together and become gross. Not an option. OK so now we got some meat getting nice and fried up after being sealed, need flavour, OK sweet sweet awesome chilli sauce, that will go, and some of this weird soy sauce, yes awesome idea. OK so this soy sauce, I’ve got no idea what it is, strong dark special soy sauce is as far as my translation takes it. Anyway slurp all that shit in there and keep stirring. You should still have a good amount of water or you’ve buggered it. Ah indeed we can’t just eat meat, shit, that’s right we need some rice. I would have used noodles but it seems nüdel is rare around these parts, but I do have these awesome rice packets, great quality rice. Right so bang, some water boiling (love this german stove) and chuck in the rice. Be done in ten minutes, or less. Sweet. OK keep stabbing the meat, onion and garlic nice and cooked now, mmm need flavour. OK more chilli. YES sweet dried preserved chillis, super hot, slice up a few of those, chuck ém in. yum. OK now need more flavour. OK I have these chilli con carne packets, why the hell not fill one with water and chuck it in. Hey check it out, tastes OK now. Ah indeed, a much better idea would be to let the rice absorb some of this sauce with the meat. OK drain rice, it’s boiled a little, who cares, and chuck it in with the meat. Stir stir stir. Wait. Stab meat. Taste a little. OK! Tastes good.

Now whip out a piece of this gross rye bread that you purchased because you’re an idiot, and serve stupidly hot because you are in fact so stupid you need to burn yourself whenever you cook. Eat with bread.

Mmmmm. Meaty. OK so there are plenty of better things you can cook, and I must admit, if I had any other ingredients I probably would have used them. But if you want to eat like me then…. go for it :D.

At least it was spicy!

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 12th, 2008 at 3:52 am and is filed under food. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.